Three Sides / Practice example
A practice session
This example uses a fictional group and fictional material. No account is required. Anything you edit lasts only while the page remains open and is not saved to an account. The sharing preview demonstrates what a group might see; it does not send your writing to other people.
The conversation and group are original teaching illustrations. They are not treatment transcripts, assessments, or another teacher’s syllabus. Read at your own pace; the suggested three-minute length is only an introduction.
1. A question to investigate
A therapist’s words communicate something about the relationship as well as the subject being discussed. This example considers what happens when a request for information is heard as criticism, and how the therapist might understand that experience before explaining their intention.
The psychotherapist Paul Wachtel examines this relational aspect of language in his work on therapeutic communication.
Related reading
The pathway’s introduction to psychodynamic history explains how to approach these traditions. The chapter on Nancy McWilliams’s approach to personality considers how a clinician develops an understanding of a particular person.
2. The situation and a first response
Alex is a fictional adult who missed a deadline at work. While describing the event, Alex apologizes before the therapist responds. When the therapist asks what happened, Alex hears the question as an accusation about their effort.
“It sounds as though you think I am making excuses.”
The practice focus is to explore how the question was heard before offering an explanation for Alex’s reaction.
The first attempt
Therapist: “That was not what I meant. I was asking what happened.”
Alex: “I know, but it still sounds as though I have to justify it.”
This supplied exchange illustrates a difficulty to discuss; it does not score your own performance.
3. Comparing what each participant noticed
- What could be observed
- The therapist explained the intention behind the question without first asking Alex what had sounded critical.
- The client actor’s account
- I understood the explanation, but I still felt that I needed to defend myself.
- A possible explanation
- Alex may anticipate criticism, although the exchange does not establish the reason for that expectation.
- The therapist actor’s private reflection
- I wanted to correct the misunderstanding quickly because being heard as critical made me uncomfortable.
4. Returning to the same exchange
Therapist: “My question sounded critical to you. Could you tell me what you heard in it?”
Alex: “That I would have finished it if I had made more effort.”
Asking about the perceived criticism gives the therapist more information about Alex’s experience. It is one possible continuation: another response from Alex might call for a different question or for acknowledging something in the therapist’s tone.
5. Deciding what to revisit
Ask how my question was heard before explaining what I intended.
6. Connecting the next meeting to this one
Practice focus: Ask how my question was heard before explaining what I intended.
Returning to the question
At the next meeting, the participants can return to this focus and discuss what they still want to understand: Ask how my question was heard before explaining what I intended.
Open the cohort workspace Explore the Learn guides
The actual Cohorts workspace requires an account and a group invitation. This public page illustrates its sequence of work without creating a membership or storing group entries.
Other practice tools
Three Sides produced this example independently. Mentioning an author or teacher does not imply their endorsement. Keep any material you add fictional.